Taking responsibility for my own treatment Part1

mentalhealth

RelaxDamit! The pain is real but you can handle it….

Disclaimer#1: I am not a mental health professional but my wife practically qualifies after living with me these so many years.

Disclaimer#2: I never talk about medications by name. I am simply not qualified.

Disclaimer#3: Never stop taking medication without the supervision of your Dr.

Looking back I have probably been Bipolar my entire life. I had a few sever breakdowns over the years, but the dots were never put together. Mental illness was not something that was ever  talked about when I was growing up.

When I first sought out help I was diagnosed as ADD with Depression. I was put on medications to deal with the diagnosed conditions. While I was able to focus better, my mental state slowly started to spin out of control. One of the medications I was put on was having a severe adverse reaction. I tried telling my psychiatrist but he insisted he was the Dr. and I was patient. In other wards shut up I’m the expert and know better.

I knew the psychiatrist was wrong so I stopped taking one of the prescribed meds without tapering off, I just stopped. This accelerated my breakdown. When I finally crashed, I wanted the whole world to stop. The pain was so intense that it was hard to breathe. The lack of control I felt was overwhelming.

It wasn’t until I hit this very dark place that my wife was able to help me to start taking control of my own treatment. I had almost got myself hospitalized. I don’t think I was suicidal but I sure could empathize with someone who was. Until that point I knew better than my wife, my Doctors and my therapist. Looking back it’s easy to say that I should have sought out help from another psychiatrist. At the time, I felt alone, trapped and out of control.

It was my therapist who made the call of Bipolar rather than just depression and referred me to another shrink. One of the things he pointed out to me was the need to be honest with him, he could not get in my brain, I had to tell him what was going on. It was time for me to take responsibility for my own treatment.

This was my first real step towards living with a Mental illness rather than letting the same mental illness control my fate.

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One thought on “Taking responsibility for my own treatment Part1

  1. I really relate. I think we try to ignore the parts of ourselves that we don’t like or don’t make sense. And we just want to trust that someone else knows what is going on and can fix it for us. But nobody knows us like we know ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

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