It has been quite awhile since I have felt like sharing. Sharing my thoughts, time, pain or lessons learned along the way has seemed like just too much energy.
This summer, after a year of cutting, we brought my daughter into the ER because of a suicide scare. We thought we were going to give her a scare and shock her into reality. The ER visit turned into a 5150 hold, followed up with 70 days in a mental health inpatient facility. That journey while painful saved her life.
For he first 30 days she was a tightly wound ball of hate. Their seemed to be no trace of my daughter anywhere. Slowly the tide turned. She joined her brother and myself with a Bipolar diagnosis and after some trial and error got on the proper meds.
We were lucky to get her into one of the best facilities anywhere. Kids from around the world go there to receive the best treatment possible. Almost all of the kids were dual diagnosis meaning they had both mental health issues and drug or alcohol addictions. I witnessed what seemed like miracles as severely troubled teens turned their lives around. The amount of work they put in was astounding. From morning to night the highly structured living conditions provided a safe environment for healing to take root.
Beyond the therapy she received we were given the space to work on our own issues. It was not as though we dropped her off and expected that she would be fixed at the end of a set time of treatment. For the first time in over a year I could sleep knowing she was in a safe place getting the help she needed. While we were not in treatment at all times the program required us to actively participate in the process. We were to put to work learning the tools on how grow as a family and provide a safe environment for her return.
Additionally this time allowed us to reconnect and recharge our energy. Our lives had been consumed by fear, guilt and a sense of hopelessness. I learned I need to take care of myself or I could be of little to no help in taking care of others.
Hopefully I will return to the topic of inpatient care their is so much more to share. Discharge from the inpatient program did not mean she has cured. Coming home has been difficult, old fears and patterns are hard to let go of.